


bad days are worse without you

by kickassfu



Series: the boys and their mental illnesses - modern au [6]
Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Mental Health Issues, POV Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, POV Jaskier | Dandelion, mostly introspective, part of a series, they're fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 08:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25347859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kickassfu/pseuds/kickassfu
Summary: He can’t fucking think. And he’s supposed to have a way with words, but apparently that’s bollocks. There are no words inside his empty brain, just white noise and longing and sadness.Jaskier isn’t even upset about, well, whatever happened, he doesn’t even remember what the fight is about anymore, they’re just being stubborn. It’s awful, Geralt’s awful (he isn’t, he’s lovely and beautiful and wonderful)...Jaskier loves him so bloody much.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: the boys and their mental illnesses - modern au [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1695214
Comments: 10
Kudos: 126





	bad days are worse without you

**Author's Note:**

> i got this on tumblr (from a wonderfully nice anon): what about if both Geralt and jaskier have a bad day in that verse? Cause we’ve seen them take turns helping and supporting each other, but I think it’s a slightly different dynamic. 
> 
> and...I misunderstood this prompt and started writing it with that misunderstanding, and then i all of sudden understood it, but i was already writing it and- well...I tried to make it work lol oh well, hope u enjoy it~~

Jaskier loves Geralt. He loves him with all his heart and soul; he’s not quite sure where he’d be without Geralt, but wherever that’d be, Jaskier knows he wouldn’t be as happy, as settled in his own skin, as centered. It was an instant connection, truly, but their relationship took time, _a lot of time_ , and care and patience, to blossom to what it is now.

They used to argue, and fight, and yell a lot more in the early days, still trying to figure out each other’s weaknesses; which buttons to push and which to kindly tender to, so they would not break something fragile in each other. After all everyone has those places that no one else should touch, _never_ , unless you open them up to someone you love and trust, and if you choose to do so, they should only be touched softly and with love, never anger.

Which is to say, they’ve grown far past the petty squabbles, and the horrible shouting, preferring to talk it out like full-brained adults. Or to at least take a step back and breathe it over.

But they’re still human. Flawed, stupid and prone to making mistakes. Very prone to still getting upset with each other.

Those are the days that hurt most for Jaskier.

The ones where he can’t bring himself to find his haven inside Geralt’s arms, to find peace in his home. Because he’s just so upset he can’t bring himself to look at Geralt, to go near him. _And that bloody hurts._ It hurts even more since Geralt keeps his distance from Jaskier as well.

They no longer fight with words, but with distance and avoidance.

Eventually they do find their ways back to each other. _Eventually_.

It’s been a few days already, and everything’s gone to shit. It’s like missing a limb, except the limb is right there but you’re avoiding it and-

 _shit_ , that’s a shit metaphor.

He can’t fucking think. And he’s supposed to have a way with words, but apparently that’s bollocks. There are no words inside his empty brain, just white noise and longing and sadness.

Jaskier isn’t even upset about, _well_ , whatever happened, he doesn’t even remember what the fight is about anymore, they’re just being stubborn. It’s awful, _Geralt’s awful_ (he isn’t, he’s lovely and beautiful and wonderful)...Jaskier loves him so bloody much.

Nothing works right without Geralt; he can’t write, can’t think, doesn’t even want to get out of the bed. Which, yes, might be signs of codependency, but isn’t it normal to find strength in the people you love? Jaskier knows he can function without Geralt, they’ve spent time apart after all, and that’s fine, _they’re fine_ (well, they miss each other terribly when it happens, and they might get a bit miserable if it’s too long) apart. It’s just- they’re not talking. At all.

_What’s the point?_

* * *

Geralt has never got the hang of apologizing, even after all these years, it still comes very hard to him. Jaskier says that it’s fine, that he always knows when Geralt feels sorry for something because he’ll use his sad puppy face on Jaskier, _‘It’s ok if you don’t apologize; your cute, adorable face tells me everything I need to know.” he smiles, smushing Geralt’s face and kissing his lips._ No matter how grumpy he looks after, as if rejecting Jaskier’s words, he knows them to be true.

It’s hard for that to happen, if Jaskier doesn’t look at him, to be able to read the million apologies written on his face.

It’s impossible to happen if Geralt is avoiding Jaskier on top of that.

He feels adrift at sea without Jaskier there to anchor him. Lonely, drifting, drifting, drifting...alone.

There aren’t a lot of people Geralt feels comfortable with touching him, and there’s no one he’d rather have touch him than Jaskier. Big calloused hands, just as used to playing guitars as they are used to caress Geralt’s skin; soft and comforting. Touch starved, yearning to be surrounded by Jaskier’s warmth - it’s the worst fucking suffering.

Which is why he should apologize.

Before his skin runs away from him, before he stops coming home for fear of Jaskier’s rejection, before there’s no coming back from this.

He just has to apologize.

_Easier said than done._

* * *

It’s 3am and Jaskier can’t sleep.

4am and he’s still awake, scrolling through different apps, unable to stop

5am, so, so tired, but his brain just won’t shut down.

Eventually he forces himself to put the phone down, and try to get some rest. There isn’t a warm body next to him, to snuggle to and help soothe him to sleep though. He’s alone. _It hurts_. His eyes do close, but it’s a fretful experience, not deep and long, not at all restful.

Jaskier stays in bed all day, not even bothering to eat.

* * *

Geralt doesn’t even bother going to bed, there’s no point to it. There’s no way he’ll fall asleep, and he’ll just feel like something’s missing. Someone’s missing.

He stays out of their flat all night, all day, losing himself in his work.

* * *

As much as he’d love to waste away in bed, enough is enough. No more letting his traitorous brain run free. It takes a few tries, but Jaskier manages to get up, and the first thing he does is wash his teeth (he hates it, so much fucking work, over and over again, every day) because he really doesn’t think he’d rock the toothless look and losing all his teeth is a recurring nightmare of his.

He doesn’t take a shower, even though he probably should, but Jaskier does change his clothes, so a bunch of small victories already and the day’s just getting started (even if it’s already afternoon). It’s a good thing - it doesn’t feel enough, nothing he ever does feel enough.

 _Eating_...well, he should eat. His stomach is painfully empty, which means he’s definitely not hungry at all. He’s always thought that to be weird, feeling that emptiness, knowing you should eat, have to eat, but not being hungry at all. So he settles on cereal, easy to prepare, not very filling, and sort of comfort food, perfect.

It’s at that time, when he’s sitting down eating cereal in _their_ living room couch, watching a random movie on TV, that Jaskier hears the front door opening and closing. And Jaskier is tired, so tired, but he still wants to lash out, to ask _‘Are you done running away? Will you finally stay?’_

And that’s not fair.

They’re both running away in their own ways, but it hurts nonetheless.

But mostly, he just wants Geralt back.

Geralt finally walks in, stopping in his tracks when he notices Jaskier and finally, _finally_ , he _sees_ Jaskier. Just stays there and stares. Jaskier stares right back, takes him all in, and, “You look like shit, love.” because he truly does. As if he hasn’t slept in days, which is ironic, Jaskier probably looks just the same if not worse.

Geralt doesn’t answer that, doesn’t fire back, isn’t angry; he just has that kicked puppy dog look that Jaskier loves so much. Sighing, Jaskier pats the space next to him, in invitation.

In no time, Geralt is not sitting next to Jaskier as was his invitation, no, he’s sitting on Jaskier’s lap (cereal forgotten on the floor). Arms tight around Jaskier’s shoulders, lips softly touching his ear, whispering over and over again, ‘ _Sorry, Sorry, Sorry’_.

Kissing Geralt’s hair, Jaskier finally relaxes, “It’s ok.”

And it is ok, or it will be later. After they eat something proper and after they take a shower together, scrubbing each other until their skin burns. After they tumble into bed together, not letting go for a second, muttering reassurances and words of love. _How much they missed each other_ , and _please stay_ , and _never leave_.

Apologizing for their stubbornness. How next time it will be different (doubtful, but not impossible).

They’ll figure it out, they always do.

And they always find their way back to each other.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm also kickassfu on tumblr~~


End file.
